Life is weird today.
I've spending a lot of time contemplating my rapidly approaching "finish" mark. There is so little time left, so much I feel like I should have/could have done. I feel in many ways that I didn't do enough, didn't become enough, should have talked to more people, should have tried harder to overcome my fears, should have just done it!
I should have been the perfect missionary.
Welp! Surprise, surprise, guess who still isn't perfect? :)
But that was never really the point. The point was to come, to serve, and to be my best. Honestly, sometimes my best means getting up on time and eating breakfast. Other days my capacity is much greater.
I'm scared to go home. Even with the voice of my father ringing in my ears that there's nothing to be scared of, just family and friends waiting to welcome me, I'm still scared. I wonder if this is how it felt to stand on the brink of that pre-mortal life, knowing that I had to go, that there would be loved ones waiting for me, but panicking a little inwardly. I bet that's fairly accurate. But even there, I had the voice of my Father in my ears, telling me that it was ok to go, that there was nothing to be scared of.
I feel like that was probably the last thing I heard before I left.
Well, these days are full of life to be lived, people to meet, with my life contained to two suitcases and my scripture bag. I keep telling myself this isn't the end, just a really wild beginning to the rest of my life as a grown up. :) And it's true.
President Uchtdorf said, "There seems to be something inside us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless....endings are not our destiny."
With that in mind, I'm off to go make this day a good one.
With love, from Can-Win
p.s. Shout out to the BV crew!