Tuesday, September 23, 2014

"My hero she's the last real dreamer I know..."

Recently I have felt like everything is piling on and my stress is amping up.

My time here in the field has dwindled, I have 10 days left.

I don't know what I am going to do with my life. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get home. My family is in the full swing of things, my friends are all at school, my brother will still be in Guatemala, and life here in Canada will keep on going without me. I will no longer have a place where I'll fit. I'll be in limbo again.


And then my wonderful mother emailed me. It wasn't good news. One of my childhood/teenhood friends has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer. That's an ugly word for such a beautiful person. Actually it's an ugly word for any person, but let me paint you a small picture so you know what I mean.

SK moved into my ward when I was...12? I think. (Holy wow, time flies.) Blonde hair, bright eyes, and a creative mind to boot. She came from a family where if they could dream it, they could do/make/become it. And they did. I spent so many hours in her house, dreaming, writing, creating, laughing. It was hard not to when it seemed that they lived and breathed the thrill of endless possibilities. Growing up was a whirlwind of...chaos. But it was so wonderful. We grew a little distant, life has a funny way of doing that. We went in different directions, but she just grew to be even more vibrant than before. She radiated light and goodness. You just felt the kindness coming off her in waves! I don't think I ever heard her say an unkind thing about anyone, ever. She was always strong in God, at least that's the way I always saw it. She was, and still is, the kind of person I wish to become.

She's battling hard things...and I don't know what to do. I haven't talked with her in ages, but I want with all my heart to just tell her: I'm here. If you need it. And if you don't, that's ok. I'm still here.

But for now, I'll continue to pray for her and her wonderful family. That's all I can really do these days.

Alright. I'm off to save souls.

With love, from Can-Win

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Onward and upward, I suppose.
Good thing God loves me so. :) This would be a lot harder without Him.

From The Mixed Up Thoughts of a Soon-to-be RM

20 days!!!!!!
I don't know what to do! I'm freaking out! I'm so excited but I'm so nervous!
Will all of my stuff fit in my suitcases? I don't even know what my travel itinerary is looking like! My clothes and shoes are falling apart. I won't fit into ANYTHING back home...maybe I'll just wear yoga pants for three months and live in the gym. AHHH! I can't wait to see my family! Oh, that will be so weird, I haven't seen them in ages. We're definitely going to have to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. They'll probably hate that, then again it might just be me with a chicken pot pie and a Canadian flag cause everyone will be at school or working. Eh, that's ok. I could do that. I don't know what I'm going to do with all that time...or without being able to see J more frequently. Why is Washington so far away? School will start in 3 months! What am I gonna do? I'm an English major! That's like the 3rd most useless major in the world!! Why did I think that was a good idea?!? Oh right.. I can't do math and science might as well be Latin, oh wait....
I'm gonna need a planner...that would probably be good. I don't want to be a grown up. Too hard! I'm going to need a job to pay for my (eventual) phone, car, roof over my head! Food would also be desirable. Uh, I'm going to be 24 and living with my parents! I'm THAT kid! Actually let's be real, I'm going to be like...27 and living with my parents cause I won't be able to make a living off my useless degree!! AHHH!!!!!
Push that to the back burner and let that simmer for a while..I'm just going to worry about going home, seeing family, learn to function without a companion or a tag, and .....

survive. Yes, that's a good plan. Surviving is good.